This is not the first draft. I have tried writing about this for a while but nothing seems to accurately embrace the very moment we were there. Experiences, it seems, can never be truly described. Not so accurately, not so perfectly. It's always something more. But time passes, memories are prone to fade. And I want to remember.
MyLDS (Malaysian Leadership Development Seminar) started with dread. It meant leaving my comfort zone. It meant stepping out from the stasis that I go through almost every holiday. But I could not not go. I paid for it. And I wasn't going to waste another year. I've heard the stories about it from my seniors. I've been to Xcapade(LLDS) and I remembered how amazing that was. I reminded myself that this was something I want. And I should go for it.
And when I first arrived at the station, I was hit with a blast of joy. It was suddenly an adventure. It was anticipation. It was the orange lights of the city at midnight. It was surreal and real at the same time. I was happily jumping along the streets of KL, wondering at the dark corners, the sleepers, the guy picking through the trash, the foreigners with their sandals and backpacks. The AIESECer's were many and varied. There were old faces and new, mixing together in a frenzy of blends. There wasn't so much conversation with new people but with the old, it felt like we were picking up where we left off in Xcapade. It felt like this is where I want to be.
Arriving at UUM, Kedah was like arriving to a another land. It had so much space and everything looked so new. It was so different from UM. It had a golf course and a go-kart track. UM seemed like a squashed little place compared to other universities. But once we arrived at our hostel, it seems like normal again. Our rooms were the normal dusty little hostel rooms and it really felt like being in a normal university again. Soon it was time for lunch and Pre-MyLDS. We were made to stay in a little classroom for almost two days straight and we were pretty much left to our own devices. Luckily we finished what we needed to on time and our little delegation was turning out to be a loud, hyperactive bunch. We had fun and we were looking forward to our next few days.
MyLDS started with a bang. Walking into a dark hall with people shouting and cheering you in was an exciting experience. It was like discovering a secret hideout that had lots of people to play with. It was like an initiation. We finally got to show our roll calls, which were pretty unique. And we first saw the immensity of the conference, the sheer number of people. LCUM seemed very small indeed. But we were no less hyped up. Throughout the whole conference we were out there and doing things. We were square dancing and cheering. We were laughing and enjoying ourselves. Being a happy bunch of young people. Taking photo's and doing crazy stunts. Dressing up for Gala Dinner, sculling... Those moments were pretty awesome. And the more precious it is that it doesn't come everyday. It's stuff that you think back and makes you smile. And with all that there was time for us to look up at the night's sky and look at the amzing stars. It's not something you could see in KL. There were so many of them. And they were so pretty.
The first few days was about self-development and teamwork. I began seeing myself better. I began seeing my flaws in a different way, from angles I didn't think of before. I began seeing my problems in a new light. I learnt other things as well but the most important lesson I learnt those few days was that I had to start managing myself. I have always believe that people can do anything if they want to. Goodness know how I wanted so much, but I just haven't made enough effort. It's amazing how lazy I could get. I need more determination!
There was a lot of inspiring people and a lot of times where we were made to open our eyes. This was especially true during the World Cafe day where we learnt more about certain issues. Like in entrepenuership, where you should be brave enough to step out and present your idea. And how it is worth it to do what you want. We learnt a lot about HIV and AIDs.How it's everyone's responsibility and how we should open our minds and hearts to other people, no matter who they are. How it should never be a taboo. How we should never be afraid to speak our minds. The last topic for World Cafe was about saving the environment. We have to break our mindsets of the world today. There are just so many things about modern life and modern society that we have taken for granted. It's making the world crumble and fall apart. It is everybody's responsibility and it could not be pushed any furthur. There is so much inequality, unfairness in life. And a lot of people don't realize how lucky they are. I didn't realize how lucky I was. In the end, the greatest lesson of all, was that everything starts from an individual. That what one man or woman does makes an impact. That if you want a change you should start it yourself. You should become a leader, because if you don't who will?
I confess was a big portion of MyLDS for me was the Global Village performance. I was in charge of it. I was supposed to educate people about a country I don't really know. And I could not believe that I said yes to it in the first place. It was so much harder than I thought it was.By the time I was in UUM I wasn't ready. I didn't have a finished script, and whatever I wrote sounded like crap to my ears. So I took whatever idea's I had and brought it to the other delegates. We changed our idea's so many times. But we had one in the end. In the end, it didn't come out as we planned due to time constraints and I also believe, me. I suck onstage. But it didn't really matter in the end. What was important was that we did the performance and we did it together. Performance team (including you CD and Di) thank you for sticking through the whole mess. Thank you OC for putting up with me and making it happen. Thank you for everyone that supported us through it.
I came to rue that performance. I was really caught up in it. I really should have been focusing on other stuff. I really wished I had taken more time to just talk to other people and get to know them better. I wish I made a bigger positive impact, a bigger meaning to others than "that hyperactive girl" or "person in charge of GV". I want to connect more and start remembering people. I forget, and I forget so easily. It's another thing I have to improve in. I know I can be better. Next time I meet you I hope I'd be able to talk to you. Really talk to you and get to know you. Not just the scratch on the surface like name, where you come from, what you study. Honestly, I want to hear your story.
On the last day, I spent a lot of time writing sugar cubes. It may have been a bit idiotic, but I felt that it was right. Writing and words are really important to me and to leave it to other people who I cared means... I care about them. When it came to LC time, it really felt like UM was together, LCUM is a family. We were proud to be with each other and be part of AIESEC. We learnt so many things apart and together. And hopefully we'll go through the journey till the end together as well. I heard that so many people cried at that time, but I couldn't really be sure because my eyes teared up pretty fast. And it just went on and on especially when we were told to start going around hugging people. I was like a smiling watering pot. All that hugging reminded me of how special hugging was. I learnt it in high school but it got rare when I entered university. I used to be around people I could connect and be inspired from everyday, but not anymore. It's different now.
I spent the last of my crazy energy square dancing till the very last moment. I just couldn't stay still. MyLDS truly ended the moment I stepped back into the car and left the station, feeling utterly drained, yet transformed by the experience. I wasn't the same person that left more than a week ago. I look into the future with optimism once more.
I'm not sure where I'll be next in AIESEC. I believe I need to prove me to myself first before being a leader. And if I decide to try it anyway, I'm pretty sure it'd be like a toss of a coin, my chosing of fate. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't then it was not meant to be. But something I do want is to go for an for an AIESEC internship. I've heard so many stories and every time I hear them my reckless heart starts beating. The only thing that I need to do is to just say yes and take the first step. After that, it could be amazing. one day I will find out.
Lastly a big thank you to everyone out there who was involved and part of MyLDS. Without even a single one of you it wouldn't have been the same at all. I wouldn't name any names, because I'd be sure to miss someone out. But know that every single one of you, whether you know me or not, have inspired me and pushed me forward. And I hope that I in turn would be able to inspire you and more people in the future.
There were so many more things that happened, bad and good. But this was what was important. By now, gentle reader, you would have went through an excessive amount of words and my friends tell me that even though it might be a lot, what I wrote was worth reading. I hope that it was worth reading for you. And for one last time, THANK YOU.
Read Users' Comments (0)
