I'm not sure what's causing this ennui.
Maybe it's because I'm suck in a factory. And will be for the next few hours. With people that don't care about be. (Likewise then.) Doing something I don't really want to do.
Maybe it's because I had to have lunch alone. And it was way too short. I want to just go back and read more.
Maybe it's because I have a crush and it looks like it's not going anywhere. Either he's uninterested, or oblivious. Or maybe he doesn't even live up to my fantasies and ideals anyway.
And I hate complaining. I hate my weaknesses and faults. I don't know where to spill that toxicity anymore. I generally don't want to show it to anyone. It's ugly. And it tires out the other person. I can see them dismissing it, being disgusted by it. I don't need that. I just need to let it out of my system so I can throw it away. So I can keep working. I would be able to keep on being optimistic and dreamy and shameless in pursuit of living.
But here I am. Vomit vomit.
I want to get out of here.
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