Every time I come back, it has been a while. There are always reasons for this. Excuses.
I don't really know who reads this anymore. It is now a silent act of vanity. A self publication, to ensure myself that I'm still trying. I'm still writing. And in some indirect way, I am building a history. Maybe indirectly, I am building an audience. But that doesn't seem likely. My chatbox is a travesty. It is filled with goo and nonsense of the internet spambots. My entries are not commented upon. And my pageviews this month is paltry. It just means that I've got to find reasons for doing this. Obviously I would not be a commercial success.
But when I look at my dashboard again, I can't help but wonder of the folk that do end up at my blog. For some reason my pageviews are not completely zero. And I'm not sure whether to be gratified or just curious. I've got nothing almost here. Do you really want to see?
In the end I do want to become a writer. And there are no short-cuts to this. The only way one could achieve that is by writing. Even better, creating. But since I'm not doing much of either it makes me question, do I really? Don't people that want things just do it? None of this fumbling about and skiving off. If I want it won't I just grab it with eagerness, with both my hands and every bit of my bleeding heart? If not, then what else do I really want? I don't understand everything yet. I hope I will.
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When you close your eyes and the day goes by,
You think your heart is at peace but your soul is on fire,
Moving doesn't make sense in the thunder and rain,
Perhaps we should stay in until it's warm again.
People rush to work and rush back,
All at the same time, the same places, a cyclic mess,
We sit in the corner, observing the madness,
We cease to remember why not doing so makes us less.
It's not just romance that lives in within these walls,
It's not just the struggle nor the cold,
We will not rage against the twists of fate,
The battles are in the decisions that we ourselves make.
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