Every time I come back, it has been a while. There are always reasons for this. Excuses.
I don't really know who reads this anymore. It is now a silent act of vanity. A self publication, to ensure myself that I'm still trying. I'm still writing. And in some indirect way, I am building a history. Maybe indirectly, I am building an audience. But that doesn't seem likely. My chatbox is a travesty. It is filled with goo and nonsense of the internet spambots. My entries are not commented upon. And my pageviews this month is paltry. It just means that I've got to find reasons for doing this. Obviously I would not be a commercial success.
But when I look at my dashboard again, I can't help but wonder of the folk that do end up at my blog. For some reason my pageviews are not completely zero. And I'm not sure whether to be gratified or just curious. I've got nothing almost here. Do you really want to see?
In the end I do want to become a writer. And there are no short-cuts to this. The only way one could achieve that is by writing. Even better, creating. But since I'm not doing much of either it makes me question, do I really? Don't people that want things just do it? None of this fumbling about and skiving off. If I want it won't I just grab it with eagerness, with both my hands and every bit of my bleeding heart? If not, then what else do I really want? I don't understand everything yet. I hope I will.
When you close your eyes and the day goes by,
You think your heart is at peace but your soul is on fire,
Moving doesn't make sense in the thunder and rain,
Perhaps we should stay in until it's warm again.
People rush to work and rush back,
All at the same time, the same places, a cyclic mess,
We sit in the corner, observing the madness,
We cease to remember why not doing so makes us less.
It's not just romance that lives in within these walls,
It's not just the struggle nor the cold,
We will not rage against the twists of fate,
The battles are in the decisions that we ourselves make.
And now, I place my feet with more care, though at times I tend to knock over things with my elbows and tangle my feet. So for a while I stopped falling down.
But woe betide, my hectic life calls for hasty speed. I run back from appointment to class higgedly-piggedly. Throwing Skittles into my mouth with my hands full of things. And one red Skittle escaped during transaction, crashing to the floor it was rendered useless. I shrugged and moved on, while getting weird stares from the man walking towards me. And as I shook my packet to get another without breaking my stride, my foot hooked onto a jut on the pavement. I was hurled to the ground! The man, who by then had already passed me by, asked me if I was ok. I jumped up and brushed my legs and said that I was. He quickly turned away and walked off, he had a big box in his hand anyway, it would have been a bit troublesome for him to help anyway. But my non-falling streak is broken. I've got scrapes on my knee and my dignity ruffled.
Bugger.
I'll just chew on more skittles.
Sent from my funky Windows Phone
Nowadays I rarely stay up, with days filled up to the brim. Only this rare night when I have something to stay up for I take another try at staring at the face of 4 in the morning without rest, or even the ache that restlessness tends to bring. These nights are worth it. Filled with the magic, of being transported for longer periods than a movie can. And I rest my troubles if not my head. And dreams, I'm filled up again with dreams, even if they're not my own. And I know, I am more than I previously perceived. I am a combination of it all.
Devigner = Developer + Designer
Which seems like a really cool place to be.
Some Definitions:
http://blog.binarybalance.com.au/2011/01/07/the-designer-the-developer-and-the-devigner
http://blog.sharepointexperience.com/2005/08/14/devigner-my-new-industry-term/
And some things to keep an eye on:
http://www.slideshare.net/Tableteer/graphic-design-for-developers-geek-speak-presentation
Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
(by Max Ehrmann)
Currently: Engine
I admit there's something about Takeshi Kaneshiro that's just magical. He could pull off the charming rebel so well. And I like how the show ends with such a sentimentally happy song despite the dark undercurrents of the show:
I can see clearly now the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way,
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind,
It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, bright, sunshiney day.
Escapism at its best.
Others:
Me Too, Flower
Dream HIgh
The Ocean Series
