Whenever I come back to this, I feel awkward again. I haven't written in a while and it's my fault. I have these dreams of being a writer, or so I say. But the truth is I don't know. I don't know if I am truly a writer. Not the way that some people feel it in their blood and bones. Not the same wy that people live it, with their thoughts and dreams concumed by it. They love it so much that in moments of rest, when they'de idle and waiting, their hands unconciously lift up and trace the lines of action.It's ingrined in their souls and they're sure of it.
I haven't found it yet.
What I truly know that I want to do is to be able to evoke a certain feeling. It's something that happens when I read or listen to stories. For a moment I am lost in their world. ANd in that moment, I find a rare sense of clarity and conciousness. I think, in that moment, I fall in love. It would be the same moment they realize this, it's the turning point of their fates. I can't seem to explain it very well. It's not always those moments. It's the parts of the storis where my mind tends to linger and yearn. And it makes me unbelieveably happy. I believe I'm inspired.
From there I believe, I want to write. I knwo words better than I know how to draw, wo make movies, to make anything else. So I think I want to write. I want other people to discover the magic like I did. But I am never sure of what to write.
I keep thinking, it has to be a story. It has to be a hero. It has to be a hourney. It has to be about love. But I can't be satisfied with anything I write along those lines. I wonder if I should be writing something else?
It would probably be easier if I just opened a bookstore. Or be a librarian. That way, I would never go wrong. I'd get to always be near the books I love and yet at the same time, guide people to the one stars, books are hidden jewels. You can't find it with just a first glance. You have to trust it and go within. And only once you reached its heart do you truly see its beauty.
I revere books. People might think me silly for reading so many stories, but I don't regret a single one at all. In every book, I grow. And I truly believe in finding the meaning of life through stories. I've barely hit the surface, but I can see the beauty within. I'm going to spend all my life reading.
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