Writing and Dreaming and Reading...

Daddy's and mommy went to get a blu-ray player. It plays mkv.


To-do: Will test this out later. Next on the list of dreams is a kinect and media stations. Find out what's so great about hdmi.


I had intended to write about how I was going to talk to more people. We shall see how. Will try not to drop into a spiral of self-absorbency. But later, this topic is has been procrastinated. 


To-do: Write about Eva Ibbotson's writing. 


Today, on the surf is Kurt Cobain. I am fascinated by the pieces by Lynn Hischberg and I kind of stopped at Strange Love, an article about Courtney Love, or Mrs. Kurt Cobain. They're the stuff of legends and I want to know why. And it's really fascinating to hear about the real people behind all this glamour. And some people just manage to look at more than others, become friends of these people and take a day in their lives. This is how they live, as fantastical as it may sound. I ended up being fascinated with Frances Bean Cobain, their daughter and challenging enough, to be the child of legends. Some people view them as practically gods and she is their princess. It feels that she has to be something and now she may be starting to do it. I think she looks gorgeous. One of the greatest things said about her, I think, is the fact that she can be anyone and anything, because everyone already accepts her. They're keeping an eye on her and will be willing to give her a chance. Maybe not so much if she wanted to become a scientist, (she is probably powerful enough to try for that) but as an artist, yes. And that is an amazing place to be at. Through this I ended up looking at more interviews. I trespass to the familiar exotic: Elle Fanning, Dakota Fanning, Katherine Heigl, Jesse Eisenberg (who surprisingly came off as an introvert which expresses himself onstage), Natalie Portman (I'm surprised that she's so academically inclined and resolutely Jewish, which in my mind is as foreign as Islam is to Americans that think it's propagating terrorism.. not that I think it terrorism, it's just that I don't know it as well as I know Christianity or Buddhism), Emma Stone (whom I think it turning into a great comedienne, genuinely and not as she says, the springboard for the man), James Franco (he's sounds so much more intelligent than I thought he would be and from what I see, he's at a point where he's changing himself for a better, different kind of lifestyle, which requires you to ponder and study the human condition in its art and not just plain embodiment of characters and situations but it leads me to other people who have been doing this the whole time which are...) and finally, the triumph, Andrew Garfield. He's someone I manically love ages ago. And there never seems to be a way to adequately show it without looking like an overbearing star crush. But it's already more than that. It's like reading a really great book that I can't put down and after I read it, it becomes part of my soul. And what I find out about him, and I catch a glimpse of how he's viewing the world, and gosh that view is amazing, I can't help but love him. I feel passionate about art and the human condition. I feel inspired to do my own work and instill my life force into it. I want to talk to him and dream with him and cry with him. I don't love his images, I love his soul. The way he can scream and break things in the movies. It's actually the same way I love James McAvoy. It's the same way I love most things, books, and people. Strange... =) At the very least, I am looking forward to the new Spiderman movie. I'm not sure we need another on but with Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone, it will be fantastic. They’re already actors I adore and the story means that much more.


To-do from this: Lynn HIschberg interviews and listen to Nirvana's Nevermind and The Pixies, just because they're a byword that sounds awesome. Keep an eye on the new Spiderman.


One great surprise was that Megan Fox is rebranding herself through one interview. It matters to me, the whole sincerity of people and inhere she says that she's misinterpreted. From what I thought of her, she's just an image. All body and makeup and sex appeal. This was an attempt to change that perception. In here she says it's all show. It's an elaborate act to give people what they want, which is, as it turns out to be... the next Angelina Jolie. All those looks were not enough to entice young girls. They didn't like the bitchy character. And so she's confessing to a demure one. She's not all "I'm sexy and in your face" in real life but a wily force, like a military strategist, that sits and calculates the next move to stardom. And that showing was another tactical move but it made me feel like I should check my scorn for the bimbo character. 


Today was a long call from Firdy. It wasn't unusual, these long calls. They're akin to the long conversations that we have with each other that have amazingly stretched over ten years. And today, a lot of it was about the future and the unknown.For once, i was optimistic about goign back to school. I actually quite dread it. I don't do well in school. I can't concentrate in class. I find the subjects absolutely boring. I can't click with my classmates and that bores me. I blame everything. In short, I behave really badly by reading books and watching tv, and do really badly. But it's got to stop because I want to succeed. I want to find out if I'ma coder. I want to learn the operating system. I want to be a social activist. I want to act. I want to get fit. I want to work in Microsoft. Therefore, I have lots of plans for the next semester and that scares me. If I never do well at school, what makes me think it could work? I am not going to be a mindless drone, I refuse to be. It simply means I can't sit back and vegitate.


I have all my friends to look forward to. I already know I need them very very much. Like, food or sunlight. I want to see them all again. i need to go out and have adventure, visit Singapore, Pahang, Melaka and Thailand, etc. I needed to see the world. In my minds eye I keep seeing all the beautiful places I came and said goodbye to. I need the oppertunity to wear my clothes. There'd be so many little projects, photo shoots, cooking curry again, baking cookies, learning random stuff, planning. After this year I don't know what will happen. But I just need to prepare for it now and this is the way I know how. And at this point of time I can be anything I want to be. And I haven't made up my mind yet.

To-do: Bake cookies next Saturday. Keep on check on moving to the apartment. Rockaway


Siblings bought an Avenger's series of 3 cd's. They are surprisingly deep and (though slightly) twisted. Like, not all the nonsense is going to straighten out.


To-do: I want to watch that. Should try to catch up with comic lore. And try not the Wikipedia kind. 
Stories of legends and hero's are never always what they seem. For example, the Avengers. I know there is more than one story for each hero. There are so many versions of Batman, Superman, etc. and not always go they coincide properly or even given a proper accounting. It's not an accurate history. The movie is going to be different from the comics and they'd be different from the books. And for some reason is that I want to get the story straight. Does Captain America plunge into the icy waters of Alaska or Antarctica? Did he get off a plane carrying missiles and kills the red skull or does he get pushed from an escape rocket by his trusty partner that got his foot stuck on the rails? Was Kurt Cobain murdered? After a while I accept this. These legends are there not for accuracy's sake anyway. Their stories are more important for fleshing out their being than for chronological archiving. The ideas and ideals these stories hold means much more. And why do I care so much? I don't know actually... It's like I want to know the truth. I'm not sure why I think this is so important.


To-do: I must think of this more. =D


I find that the more I read stories, the more I find all sorts of freaky stories which details experiences I never imagined. And maybe one of the weirdest things is that I accept it. I accept all the freaky things like the way Kurt Cobain was a troubled soul. How he drugged and drugged and felt things. It's a horrible way to live but it was that. It's an inevitable idea of pushing a stone wall and finding yourself incapable of moving it. Sure, you can build a battering ram, but is there one for people? So when I read about sado-machoism, an androgynous race on another planet or single-minded villains (heck or even racial purists), it's just be accepted. Accepting is easy enough I guess, but it doesn't explain why they're there in the first place, these nasty things. The world is beautiful, why mar it? Just for the sake of balance, the yin and yang? Is it God's test for humans? Seems such a harsh thing for something that sounds like an experiment. But then I remember the courts. Laws. Those occasions of measure are very serious. The question of why existence has been around forever, and the reason, there are as many answers as there are people. To some it's not very important, choosing to focus on living the lives the way lives are lived at their time and day and make the most of it. Others devoted their entire lifetime to it, therefore springs philosophy and its branches. I don't think it should be ignored. It should be acknowledge and pondered. And maybe one day I'd get my answer. But for now, I accept the world with all its strangeness. Will this perception of the world change? For example, I keep hearing of these conspiracies of how the world is run by few, and how they control everything and it's not all just a crazy coincidence. It's not the influence of people and idea's and the weather. It's all mapped out and we are the sheep, the pawns. Is this true? I fear, time and time again I'll change my mind.


Do: Better write down my thoughts today. 


Tonight's agenda! - play mkv shows on the new blu-ray player. Read about subject for Final Year Project.


I have so much more to live for. Tonight, everything is wonderful.